College Dems Poison Own Water in Flint Solidarity
Frustrated with the fact that it’s 2017 and people in one of the most developed countries in the world still don’t have clean water, the College Democrats of Georgia Tech have decided to take matters into their own hands and address the situation in Flint, MI by adding pencil shavings to their own water, oblivious of the fact that the stuff in pencils isn’t actually lead. The move is gaining wind within liberal activist circles at Georgia Tech, who have begun hosting organized “water poisoning” events at different corners of Tech Green.
Jake Orvis, 3rd-year Public Policy major from Statesboro, GA, offered The Crouton some insight into their methods. “Bro, it tastes like shit, but you know, solidarity!” said Orvis, President of College Democrats, during an interview with The Crouton editors. “I’m standing up for those who don’t have a voice!” he insisted as he poured the contents of a mechanical pencil into a bottle of Fiji Water.
The College Democrats will have a booth at the Wednesday Farmer’s Market on Skiles Walkway offering free samples of their specialty concoction, with bottles available starting at $2.99. All funds will go towards further promotion of the club.
We have reached out to representatives in Flint and are awaiting comment.
Disclaimer: This article is a work of satire. None of the events described below occurred in real life. None of the opinions expressed reflect those of Georgia Tech.