SGA VP Richard Wang caught sabotaging Mercedes-Benz Stadium

From left to right: Crime-fighting weiner dog Julio Bones, the criminal mastermind Richard Wang, Walt Disney impersonator Arthur Blank, Falcons quarterback Matt Ryan, and Velma, Matt Ryan's on-again, off-again girlfriend. 

From left to right: Crime-fighting weiner dog Julio Bones, the criminal mastermind Richard Wang, Walt Disney impersonator Arthur Blank, Falcons quarterback Matt Ryan, and Velma, Matt Ryan's on-again, off-again girlfriend. 

In a stunning twist that no one could have seen coming, Arthur Blank and his team of kooky crime solving buddies and their surprisingly expressive weiner dog uncovered a plot by passionate Georgia Tech soccer fans to undermine the construction of the Mercedes-Benz Stadium, thus ensuring that Atlanta United FC games would continue to be played at Bobby Dodd for the near future. The kicker: the mastermind was none other than Georgia Tech’s student body vice president Richard Wang.

For months now, construction of the future home of the Atlanta Falcons and Atlanta United FC has been halted thanks to mysterious “accidents” on the job site - tools have disappeared from where construction workers left them, trucks drivers have discovered the engines in their vehicles replaced by hamsters on wheels, brand new cables on cranes have broken for no apparent reason, and, most shocking of all, traffic cones have been placed precariously on signs with sticky notes that read, “Looks like you just got CONED!” The accidents and mysterious events had for months been attributed to the “25 Point Ghost,” the spirit of the Atlanta Falcons’ 25-point lead in Super Bowl LI which was slaughtered unceremoniously before an audience of hundreds of millions of people.

Larry Foster, a 55-year-old construction worker, was the first to see the 25 Point Ghost, a haunting specter that caused the witness to exclaim, “G-g-g-g-ghoooooost!” Despite the construction site supervisor’s contention that “There aint no such thing as ghosts Larry!”, multiple sightings in the months after solidified the legend of the ghost in the minds of the workers. The delays soon caught the eye of Atlanta’s shadow mayor and Walt Disney-impersonator Arthur Blank who set out to solve the mystery with his quirky team of investigators.

The investigation took several days and multiple chases through hallways with wayyyyy too many doors, but Blank and his team finally caught the culprit with the help of some very conveniently left fingerprints and the work of Blank’s crime solving wiener dog Julio Bones. When they pulled off the culprit’s mask, they discovered Georgia Tech’s very own SGA Vice President Richard Wang. Wang was noticeably distressed at his capture as he spat out, “That’s right, it was I who sabotaged the stadium. I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for you meddling old dudes and your ludicrously adorable dog!”

Latest reports are that Wang will face charges of Ghost Impersonation, Tomfoolery, and Shenanigans.

 

 

 

Disclaimer: The above article is a work of satire. The image and name of Richard Wang were used with his express consent. The above views do not reflect those of Georgia Tech. We can't confirm that the dog is actually named Julio Bones, as awesome as that would be. 

The Crouton