Coach Pastner to raffle off 6-month-old son at Syracuse game

Georgia Tech basketball has been known for some great fan giveaways in the past as part of their constant push to draw fans to McCamish Pavilion for games; but Coach Pastner has officially announced the promotion to end all promotions for the upcoming Syracuse game on Sunday, February 19th.

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That’s right. Coach Pastner has promised to give the first 1,000 fans raffle tickets to win his recently born son, who he’s optimistically named Lebron Shaquille Pastner. When asked to comment on the bold move, Coach Pastner said, “Well, I’ve already got four others so it’s really not that big a deal. And we need the fan support more than ever right now - kids come and go but a chance at the NCAA tournament is once in a lifetime opportunity.”

Fans reactions to the announcement have been positive thus far. Stacy Aldridge, 2nd year BME, said, “This is an amazing opportunity. Coach Pastner basically looks like a giant baby himself so I bet his kid is just ludicrously cute. He’s probably got the ultimate baby face.” The McCamish Maniacs are planning on raising the child as a group if one of them wins. Head Maniac Gary Cross said, "We're gonna raise him on a diet of raw eggs, steak, and tough love. He'll return in 18 years to lead the Jackets as the second coming of Jarrett Jack...as a white guy." 

In order to attract fans after Justin Thomas graduates, Coach Paul Johnson is rumored to be considering a similar promotion that would involve raffling off the opportunity to attempt to form a real human connection with him for no more than ten seconds.

Disclaimer: This article is a work of satire. None of the events described below occurred in real life. None of the opinions expressed reflect those of Georgia Tech. There is no malice meant in the writing of this article and it's sole purpose is comedic effect.

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