Mr. and Ms. GT Election yields a total of zero fucks given according to Electoral Commission

Mr. and Ms. GT Election yields a total of zero fucks given according to Electoral Commission

The Crouton
Campus Politics

The semi-finalists for Mr. and Ms. Georgia Tech, the institute's least important elected positions, are demanding a recount after the official Electoral Commission, a group of students put together by the equally useless Ramblin’ Reck Club, released results that show that a grand total of zero fucks were given by the student body about the outcome of the election.*

An in-depth analysis of the results show that zero fucks were given by every single constituent group at Georgia Tech, a development in the story that surprised literally no one:

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Though the campaigns of the various photogenic semi-finalists have insisted that this is a new trend that they couldn't have possibly predicted, time series data suggests the opposite - election experts collected data as far back as 2010 that shows that the student body has given zero fucks for some time about the results of the Mr. and Ms. GT vote.**

**The one exception was in 2013 when even the candidates themselves realized they were expending valuable energy to win an accolade that requires as much popularity to win as SGA President but somehow grants even less real authority and prestige. Th…

**The one exception was in 2013 when even the candidates themselves realized they were expending valuable energy to win an accolade that requires as much popularity to win as SGA President but somehow grants even less real authority and prestige. Their collective apathy counted for -6 fucks given that year.

Plans have been announced for a runoff between all the candidates. Rather than ask the students who they want to represent the student body as Mr. and Ms. GT, however, the runoff's ballots will instead feature the question “Who do you feel least ambivalent about ‘representing’ Georgia Tech for entirely arbitrary reasons?” The Electoral Commission believes that this question should be enough to garner at least a partial fuck to break the deadlock.

*The official Electoral Commission ensures that the tallying of the student body's collective fucks given (or lack thereof) was carried out in accordance with the United Nations' standards for international electoral regulation. 

 

Disclaimer: The above article is a work of satire. That mean's it's fictional for those of you who still don't know what the word "satire" means. The above views do not reflect those of Georgia Tech. 

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