Crowd of Sorority Girls Manages to Form Impassable Barrier Across Sidewalk

  Left:  A Greek wall makes the Skiles stairs, already a physical burden, even more impossible to climb;  Right:  Texas sorority builds perfect wall using combination of impassable structure and terrifying demon chanting 

Left: A Greek wall makes the Skiles stairs, already a physical burden, even more impossible to climb; Right: Texas sorority builds perfect wall using combination of impassable structure and terrifying demon chanting 

A local Georgia Tech sorority chapter is making headlines after a crowd of sisters reportedly managed to form an impassable human wall across the sidewalk on Ferst Drive outside of Howey.

The barrier reportedly formed at around ten on Wednesday morning, shortly before intro physics classes were scheduled to meet in lecture. The Crouton managed to speak with an eyewitness, who saw the formation of the sorority girl barricade his route to class. “Honestly, I’m not even mad, it was remarkable. From a distance the structure looks loosely packed and porous, but the moment you try to walk through them they suddenly clump together to form the Great Wall of Greek Life. It’s a remarkable phenomenon to behold.”

Georgia Tech physics professor Ted Gecko shared his thoughts on this developing story. “It’s honestly amazing from a materials science perspective. The barrier of sorority sisters is both dense enough to prevent pedestrians from passing between them, and voluminous enough to block anyone from moving around without walking into traffic.” Wiping tears from his glasses, he told us, “I have spent thirty years studying armor-grade polymers, but never before have I seen such a simple and elegant way to form a barrier utterly invulnerable to puncture.”

In response to this surprising discovery, the Department of Defense is currently investigating crowds of sorority girls as a means of road-closure during riots. And, while yet unconfirmed, there are rumors that the Trump Administration is looking into sorority girls as an inexpensive replacement for concrete in the planned US-Mexico border wall. 

 

 

Disclaimer: This post is a work of satire and is fictional. The Trump Administration isn't nearly sophisticated enough to consider using the aforementioned methods for building a wall. 

Greek LifeThe Crouton