GT Men’s Basketball beat North Texas 63-49 at McCamish pavilion this Thursday in the ONLY SPORTING EVENT OF NOTE on campus last week. With absolutely NO OTHER TEAMS from any other sport playing, this game was the focus of the Georgia Tech sports world last week, ensuring that Tech sports fans were in no way forced to suffer any form of colossal humiliation. 

The game between Tech and North Texas was highlighted by freshman guard Jose Alvarado’s 19 points, a total that couldn’t have possibly been matched by any other player on any other team on campus because no other team on campus played a home game last week. The team also put on a phenomenal defensive display, the likes of which no other team’s defense could hope to replicate because, as we’ve mentioned numerous times and will continue to reiterate, NO OTHER DEFENSE WAS PLAYING LAST WEEK.

When asked about his experience at McCamish, 3rd year Tech student Trevor Stansell said, “There were literally no other notable sporting events on campus last week, so it was a nice opportunity to get out of the dorm, hang with my fellow Jackets, and take in a well played game that doesn’t make me feel like I’m being forced to live out the plot of a Final Destination movie.”

The Crouton’s Keys to the Game:

  • Despite working hard in the first half, the team chose to also play the entire second half. 
  • Coach Pastner’s team employed his unique defensive philosophy of giving up as few points as possible.


Disclaimer: This is a work of satire. It does not reflect the views of the Georgia Institute of Technology. As much as we'd like to pretend it never happened, Tech did, in fact, play U(sic)GA last week. 

SportsThe Crouton