2017's Hottest New Year's Eve Events
Are you looking for some exciting New Year’s Eve plans to break up the monotony of your winter break that you don’t want to admit that you’re tired of already? Look no further, because we at The Crouton have compiled a list of the HOTTEST NYE events in your area!
Your local church youth group party: If you want a low-commitment alternative to staying home, go to the only place where you can have a below average time, do a bible study, and get free pizza ALL AT THE SAME TIME! Go bond with that girl from high school who's kinda cute but posts articles from Breitbart on Facebook and thinks feminism is stupid - maybe even try and fail to see validity in her point of view!
Dick Clark's New Year’s Rockin' Eve with Ryan Seacrest: If you want to feel reminiscent of simpler times when life revolved around getting invited to that cool kid’s pool party and all the latest developments on American Idol, watch as Ryan Seacrest hosts this years New Year’s Eve program on ABC. How many times can Mariah Carey miss her notes in "All I Want for Christmas is You" this year? Will there be any Janet Jackson-esque wardrobe malfunctions? Which one of the hosts will be hammered by the nights end? This option can answer all of these questions while allowing you to stay home and eat pizza rolls in your pajamas.
Watch Georgia Tech in its bowl game this ye- lol jk: Good riddance Ted Roof.
Party with your parents: Tag along to the plans your parents made weeks ago, and go watch your parents’ friends get too drunk before asking you about the significant other that you don't have. The best part about this party is the above average grade of alcohol that is provided to you free of charge. So go ahead, kick back, relax, enjoy a nice glass of red wine, and resist getting set up with your mom’s friend’s cousin who is “neat” and “has a GREAT personality.”
Going to bed early: Pop a couple Ambiens, wash them down with a box of wine, and drift off to sleep at around 10 p.m. while an episode of The Crown plays gently in the background. Wake up at around 11 the next morning feeling like a golden god while your friends try to drown themselves in Gatorade and Advil.
Be the lone single person at a couple’s party: You can always choose to mill around a party of people who are already coupled off together. If you want to make this experience more fun, take a shot each time someone trots out the clichéd phrase "It's the third wheel that makes it a tricycle!"
Join a cult just in time for the Rapture: Some cult in Utah declaring that the New Year will bring with it the end of times is a holiday tradition as predictable as no one really taking them seriously and continuing with the fornicating and sodomizing that will undoubtedly be the cause of the aforementioned Armageddon. Nevertheless, if you feel like covering all your bases this year, then shave your head, buy a set of fancy white robes, bleach your butt hole, and get ready to be either raptured by the Supreme Being or probed by aliens.
Disclaimer: This does not reflect the views, nor is it officially associated with, the Georgia Institute of Technology.
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