GT Alumni Stats Office Creates "Self-Employed Non-Profit Start-Up" Designation

The Georgia Tech Alumni Statistics Department was happy to announce on Monday that, for the first time ever, they could report a 100% alumni employment rate thanks to a new designation on their alumni census form: Self-Employed Non-Profit Start-Up.


Betsy McKenna, the department's director, released a statement on the historic development:

 " 'Unemployed' is such an ugly term that doesn't truly encompass what our students are achieving after graduation. This is why we created an alternative term: Self-Employed Non-Profit Start-Up.
This campus has always promoted entrepreneurship and non-profit work so we think this term really reflects the spirit of the graduates we're trying to produce. This was in no way meant to boost our employment statistics. It just so happens that we have coincidentally seen a 26.3% increase in the employment rate of our graduates, the largest increase of any institute in the nation." 

Reports are filtering in that the White House is actually considering applying this measure within the Department of Labor; President Trump predicts this could be a "yuuuuge" boost for the economy. 

Disclaimer: This article is a work of satire. None of the events described below occurred in real life. None of the opinions expressed reflect those of Georgia Tech. There is no malice meant in the writing of this article and it's sole purpose is comedic effect.

Student Life, MiscThe Crouton