GT Athletics announces new deal with Chubbies
With Georgia Tech set to end its athletics apparel contract with Russell Athletic on July 1, 2018, Georgia Tech Athletics has shocked everyone by announcing that they already have a new partner set to take over in 2018: Chubbies. The organization usually known for glorifying the dad-bod has decided to take a shot at dressing significantly more athletic bodies with its first ever collegiate athletics department contract. Chubbies won its bid to partner with Georgia Tech over Nike, Adidas, and, strangely enough, Lululemon.
Chubbies’ spokesperson, who simply goes by Chuck, told The Crouton: “Yeah, we’re excited about our first ever attempt at providing apparel for a college athletics department. Our pitch was essentially that the goal of any athletics department should be to help the fans connect to the athletes, and if the players on the field are dressed like the fans in the stands, that’s a good first step.”
The athletes themselves have had mixed reactions to the new partnership.
Junior offensive lineman George Frostenburg III said, “I guess I don’t hate the uniforms they’re proposing. At the very least the sight of my 200 lb. thighs in short-shorts should distract opposing defenses from the fact that we’re still running the triple option.”
Sophomore volleyball player Larissa Francine Goldamnn said, “Meh. I don’t think it’ll affect us that much. I mean, it’s not like they could possibly make our shorts shorter, right?”
Club men’s lacrosse captain Chet McChesterfield gave The Crouton an enthusiastic response to the news. “YES. Yes, yes, yes,” said Chet, “Hell yes. Finally. This is just proof that Georgia Tech athletics is taking more of an interest in lax and it’s just a matter of time before we’re a varsity sport.”
The student body is currently struggling to care about anything that Georgia Tech Athletics has to say since finals are coming up and football seasons is over, but The Crouton was able to reach Mickey Gregory Fournoy IV, president of Beta Rho Omega fraternity, for comment. The third year ME said, “Not gonna lie man, I think they players would for sure be more relatable wearing gear produced by Chubbies. Like, I might consider actually showing up to games before they start next year and leaving when they end. Not making any promises, but throwing it out there.”
Coach Paul Johnson was thrilled about the announcement and offered his thoughts: "I've been on the #NoPants train for a while now and it's about time that Tech listened to me. I've been wearing my Sketchers Shape-Ups for years and I can't wait to give the college football world a view of my rock hard calves and my hella lit thighs. Get ready Georgia Tech, Paul 'Daddy Long Legs' Johnson is coming to a field near you in 2018."
The details of the deal are still being worked out, and some insiders have told The Crouton that contract talks have stalled due to the baseball and softball teams' insistence that Chubbies design pants for their uniforms - a suggestion that was met with a horrified gasp of indignation by Chubbies execs, with one even spilling his red solo cup all over his ironic Hawaiian shirt. The Crouton will continue to monitor the situation.
Disclaimer: This is a work of satire. All events described are fictitious. No, Georgia Tech Athletics is not dumb enough to go from Russell to Chubbies. The views of this article do not reflect those of Georgia Tech.