Mercedes-Benz Stadium Faces Stiff Competition from POTUS for title of World's Largest Asshole
The firm behind the construction of the much anticipated Mercedes-Benz Stadium (MBS) is scrambling to figure out a way to compete with President Donald Trump for the title of “World’s Largest Asshole”. Despite previously believing that MBS had this rather dubious title sewed up, President Trump’s recent decision to tell several thousand transgender military members over twitter that they are a burden on the armed forces (despite the fact that he dodged the draft five times and is himself a burden on all mankind) has the designers of Atlanta’s new stadium reassessing how they should proceed.
“To be honest we would have loved to add ‘World’s Largest Asshole’ to the stadium’s collection of records and accolades, but the President’s decision to announce his intent to violate the civil rights of thousands of Americans over TWITTER has really taken us aback,” said Phil Philsworth, one of the project’s directors. “If we could make Atlanta’s backdoor any bigger we would, but reaching Trump-levels might lead to structural instability,” added Philsworth.
To compound the issue, a spokesperson for the president told The Crouton that plans are already in place for the President to become an even bigger asshole. “MBS simply can’t compete with the Donald. Once that stadium is built, it’ll remain that size for all of eternity. For Trump, on the other hand, there is no shortage of minorities and marginalized people for the President to launch cowardly attacks on from the safety of his twitter account. If the folks at MBS decide to charge people $60 for beer, we’ll have the President tweet that lesbians are North Korean spies. This man is the poop chute that keeps on giving.”
The latest reports indicate that Mercedes-Benz Stadium executives might concede defeat rather than replace all the handicap ramps with miniature rock climbing walls.
Disclaimer: This is a work of satire and is thus fictional. Let's be honest, nothing could ever compete with Donald Trump for the title of World's Biggest Asshole. The views expressed in this article do not represent those of Georgia Tech.
Betsy Devos would 100% refer to Georgia Tech as "Georgia Tech University"