UGA publishes official list of excuses following super sad collapse that we're all very sad about
On Monday, a football game broke out in the middle of a highly attended Trump rally at the Mercedes-Benz Stadium. Alabama emerged the victors as their freshman quarterback, whose name Donald Trump is desperately trying to learn how to pronounce before Alabama visits the White House, led an epic comeback over a Bulldog team that rolled over and played dead in the second half. Following their Georgia Dome-esque implosion, Head Coach Kirby Smart, a former pagan worshiper of Nick Saban, released an official list of excuses and justifications for his team’s failure to do what the NCAA doesn't allow them to get paid to do:
- Karma: Unfortunately, Alabama beat Georgia due to karmic balances - Alabama decided to vote against (albeit barely) electing an alleged pedophile as a senator while Georgia continues to insist on calling itself a “university”.
NCAA negligence: The NCAA is known for not caring about the welfare of their student-athletes and Monday was further proof as the organization in charge of collegiate athletics failed to put a choking hazard warning anywhere on the national title game.
Failure to notarize contract selling Smart’s soul to Saban: As is almost always the case, there’s never a notary when you need one. Kirby Smart’s contract to sell his soul to Nick Saban for a national championship of his own was never notarized with the blood of his enemies and thus was not binding according to Sabanic ritual law.
Building on Richt’s legacy: Monday wasn’t a collapse, it was a culmination of everything that Mark Richt worked so hard to build during his years at the helm! For over a decade, Coach Richt found new and creative ways to disappoint Georgia fans - it takes a lot out of a fan base to see their pre-season #1 team playing at the end of the season in such prestigious bowl games as the Capital One Bowl, the Liberty Bowl, and the Independence Bowl. It was going to take something special to top 15 years of top ranked recruiting classes with nothing to show for it, but Kirby Smart outdid himself. Not even Richt could have figured out how to build a 20-7 lead, raise the hopes of the fans that their 37-year-drought was finally over, only to blow it against the most hated team in America.
The Refs: Realizing these other excuses just won't cut it, UGA's professional Armchair Analysts (or Plastic Garden Chair in Front of a Trailer Analysts) looked at 40 different slow-mo replays over the course of two days and easily pointed out what the refs from one angle could not see in real time.
As punishment for his team's nationally televised failure, Smart told reporters that he forced his team to listen to the Kidz Bop version of "Sweet Home Alabama" on repeat the entire way home.
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