How To Survive A Summer Freshman Encounter (And What To Do If It All Goes Wrong)
Late summer session is upon us, and this July and August hundreds of Georgia Tech students will notice the influx of what appear to be optimistic youths on campus. These are known as summer freshmen. Some of them will have distinguishable markings - like the omnipresence of their high school letterman jackets despite the 90 degree weather or entire outfits that appear to be a product of a Barstool Sports echo-chamber.
Fortunately, most of these encounters will be uneventful. In almost every case, the summer freshman will make eye contact and run back to the nearest pack of its kind. It is, however, important that you know how to deal with a summer freshman if encountered by one on campus.
First, know your summer freshman
If you come into contact with a summer freshman, it’s important to know what you’re dealing with. There are three species at Georgia Tech: the “partier,” the “homebody,” and the “sophomore by credit hours.”
Unless you go back home to Alpharetta every weekend, you’ll most likely only encounter the “partier” or the “sophomore by credit hours.”
Partiers are divided into two categories: “definitely going greek” and “absolutely uncertain but their friends said drinking is cool and they saw it in the movies and plus college is a time for discovering yourself so maybe this is for me hahah it’s fine I’m fine” or “uncertains” for short. The “definitely going greek” variety are bolder than “uncertains” and can typically be seen wearing a combo of black tank tops and denim skirts or a combo of polos and visors. The “uncertains” vary in that they can easily be scared off and discouraged from social interaction.
Be alert
The best way to handle a summer freshman encounter is never to have one. Summer freshmen like taking their classes too seriously, drinking until they black out, and regularly frequenting frat houses in large packs like a terrifying swarm of cicadas. The last thing you want to do is startle a summer freshman. Here are four ways to avoid doing so.
If you decide to leave your residence be alert to every sound and movement - the packs of these summer freshmen move quickly and can be distinguished by their overall excitement for life.
Make noise. You are older. You are scarier. Call out and clap your hands frequently and tell them about the classes that await them. Sing loudly. You may just be able to scare them off.
Travel in groups of at least three people. There is power in numbers and refusing to make new friends.
Carry bear spray! Repeat. Carry bear spray!
If you do everything right and you still run into one ...
Do not try to get closer to take a picture! The Snapchat caption “god I feel so old” isn’t worth it.
Do not run. You’re acting just like prey. You’re old and tired and they can sense it.
If it is a “partier,” gather together, stand tall and try to dirty rush them into your greek organization.
If it’s a “sophomore by credit hours,” remain still and calm. Properly excuse yourself to go to the bathroom and never come back.
