Man scars student body by peeling entire peel off banana before eating it
In an act indicative of psychopathic tendencies, a man was seen on Skiles walkway removing the entire peel from his banana before enjoying the normally wholesome snack. To be clear, he peeled the banana in its entirety, threw the peel at a nearby trashcan and missed by about three feet, and then proceeded to eat the banana in its exposed state. Was this a horrible mistake? A simple peel-job gone wrong? A Crouton reporter was on hand to witness the gruesome event.
The man in question looked no different from the rest of the banana eating community when he pulled out his afternoon snack. The man’s actions only began to draw attention when he went decided to take the entire peel off the banana and set the now bare fruit directly on the metal table at which he was sitting. The potassium-fueled lunatic then began fishing through his backpack for something. “Maybe he’s looking for a napkin to wrap the banana in so he can throw it away since no one would actually eat it like that,” noted an astute passerby. This was not the case. The man pulled out a metal utility fork and began carving chunks out of the banana. As the pervert gingerly placed bits of tainted fruit onto his tongue, you could see residual rust from the metal table cling to the slimy yellow body which this man willingly inserted into his mouth.
One of the many observers horrified by the series of events she had observed made a discreet call to the police and GTPD detained the suspect. “Aww, gross. There are children here you sick bastard,” one of the officers was overheard saying as they carried the man away.
Disclaimer: This article is a work of satire. None of the events described below occurred in real life. None of the opinions expressed reflect those of Georgia Tech.