Tech students between classes mistaken for Counter-Women's March
Numerous right-wing “news” sites had to publish redactions after gleefully reporting a Counter-Women’s March on Georgia Tech’s campus early on Friday morning. The “Counter-Women’s March” turned out to simply be the Georgia Tech population between classes - the ratio of men-to-women as a few dozen college students marched through campus on their way to class seemed so impossibly skewed towards men that Breitbart and their affiliates assumed that it had be a march organized by men as a response to the hundreds of well-attended Women’s Marches that arose as a response to President Trump’s inauguration.
Breitbart’s college correspondent Robert E. Lee Mitchell published a redaction statement:
We here at Breitbart apologize for mistaking the normal migration of Georgia Tech students between classes as the ultimate response to those God-awful women’s marches. Sure, the fact that there were maybe a couple hundred people out there total should have made us realize that this wasn't a rally, but honestly we're really bad at judging crowd size. We took one look at Skiles Walkway and saw millions of protesters. We hold ourselves to the highest standards of journalistic integrity and we are truly mollified at making the mistake of believing that Georgia Tech students would be motivated enough to rally for anything that doesn’t include free food.
Fox and Friends, meanwhile, was simply relieved to see that women are staying out of the STEM fields where they don’t belong. They provided an excuse for their journalistic mistake:
Though we are by no means justifying our complete lack of journalistic ability, in our defense, the site of several dozen poorly dressed socially awkard men with pretty shocking hygiene in the deep south is pretty easy to mistake for an alt-right rally. We will admit that maybe the fact that several of them appeared to be carrying books that weren’t written by Ann Coulter or the fact that they were students at a university that actually requires SAT scores in the quadruple digits should have tipped us off but it’s not like any of us actually give a crap about real journalism.
Despite being guilty of one failed charge of “Attempted Journalism”, Fox News was successful in their attempt to contact the Trump administration before the President was able to tweet out their ludicrously incorrect article. They reportedly got through to Kellyanne Conway just as the President was preparing to hit the “send” button on his fifth Shakespearean-level tweet of the day.
Disclaimer: This article is a work of satire. None of the events described above occurred in real life. None of the opinions expressed reflect those of Georgia Tech.
Happy St. Patrick's Day to the Irish, Catholics, and people who like to drink. As for the rest of you *cough* Karen *cough* - my condolences
To the people who clap when the plane lands: we get it, you vape.
Hartsfield-Jackson is a lot like a public restroom: it feels like everyone in the world has been there and it's full of assholes
Your website's giant popup telling me that paying for a premium account will make the popups go away isn't making me any more likely to pay.