Returning Spring Breakers have no idea why anyone would want to escape Cuba

Move over Mexico: Cuba is the hot new spring break destination for thousands of American college students looking to work on their tans and leave the beaches they party on looking like the aftermath of a spontaneous dumpster truck explosion. Throngs of college students flocked to Cuba’s shores for the second year in a row since the United States opened up travel to the island for U.S. nationals. Hundreds of twenty-somethings came by plane and cruise ship to drink mojitos on Cuba’s white sand beaches, enjoy Havana’s famous nightlife, and romanticize the state of overwhelming poverty and underdevelopment that the Castro dictatorship has imposed on its people.

After returning, several students recounted that they simply cannot imagine why anyone would want to escape Cuba on a raft cobbled together out of used tires, twine, and broken dreams. A Crouton reporter who works part-time at the Cinnabon at Hartsfield-Jackson’s international terminal was on hand to interview them as they got off the plane.

“Yeah, like, why would anyone ever leave Cuba? Everything is basically paradise there," said Gregory Blake, a 3rd year public policy student. "I thought about going to Brazil but a friend of mine told me that his trip there for the World Cup was totally ruined by protesters. But Cuba was perfect - not a single annoying protester in sight. What would they protest anyway? That their parties are too rad?" 

“What’s not to love? The drinks were crazy cheap, the Cuban guys were cute, and it was super easy to book my vacation through Gaviota, their tourism company. They're owned by the Cuban military so everything was really efficient and well run,” said Stephanie Marie DeBourde, a second year biology major.

“My favorite part of the trip? Oooh, tough to decide,” responded Jenna Margaret Farley, a 4th year computer science major, in response to the Crouton reporter's query. “The best part was all the adorable old 1950s cars. They looked amazing on my Instagram. It basically felt like I was vacationing in a time capsule," said Farley of the state of underdevelopment in Cuba that, in addition to keeping most of the population in a constant state of poverty, gives the island a charming 1950s vibe.  

Hank Francis McHale, a 2nd year ME, did add, however, that Wi-Fi access on the island was less than satisfactory. “Internet was kinda shit. It took me forever to upload all those adorable cars to Insta, and I couldn’t live stream when I was clubbing,” said McHale of the internet issues that he shared with the 5% of the Cuban population that has internet access. At this point in the interview, our reporter was told that his smoke break was up and he had to get back to work.

 

Disclaimer: As depressingly realistic as the above article sounds, the events described are fictional and the article is a work of satire. The views expressed in this article do not reflect those of Georgia Tech. 

 

The Crouton