SGA Elections rocked by scandal: All candidates using private emails
The SGA Presidential Elections have been rocked by scandal following the revelation that every single one of the presidential candidates and their running mates have been using private email accounts instead of their official Georgia Tech emails. The discoveries were made when The Crouton’s creepiest reporter popped up six individual times behind each of the candidates while they were on their phones and creepily whispered in their ears, “Whatcha doing there sport?” The leaks revealed that these accounts were used for various unsavory acts including bribery of SGA officials with CS code, an inquiry about whether or not The Cheetah would be open to accepting buzzfunds, and, in the case of one candidate, attempted bribery of Crouton staff to get them to give away the debate questions for Thursday night’s Crouton Cage Fight.
Most shocking, however, was the revelation that one candidate has been using a yahoo account. The candidate in question has refused to comment directly on this allegation, with her campaign manager simply stating: “While I will neither confirm nor deny that the candidate uses a yahoo account as her personal email address, I will say that if she were to use a yahoo account, the person in question would probably only use it for spam and dating websites.”
The fallout of the scandal has each candidate’s camp scrambling to find a new edge over the other. “I mean, I guess we could try kissing a baby” said the campaign manager for Lizzie and Connor , “But almost none of the people voting have babies so we’d have to just find some random kid and that could get creepy real quick.”
Leanne and Apollo, the latter of which recently got a puppy, are actually considering adding the dog to their ticket and including him in all their promotional materials. A member of their campaign office is quoted as saying, “A puppy could probably run SGA as well as any of the candidates, I don’t see why people wouldn’t vote for him. And he wouldn’t be the only candidate on the ticket that gets easily distracted by squirrels.”
Sujay and Richard’s camp, meanwhile, are considering a damage-limitation approach by claiming that they each only use their private emails for their Runescape accounts. A member of their campaign staff said to one of our reporters, “Yeah, I don’t know if this excuse will help us or hurt us but at the very least the voters should be impressed that Sujay reached level 115 in Woodcutting.”
The Crouton's reporters are canvassing the student body for reactions whilst awaiting official statements from the candidates - College Republicans have already demanded that President Bud Peterson #LockThemUp, despite the fact that none of the acts listed, even the use of a Yahoo account, are illegal.
