Top 10 prospects for Georgia Tech's 2018-19 Freshman class
Early action decisions have been made by Georgia Tech's admissions team, and that means it's time to break down the top prospects for Georgia Tech's projected freshman class of 2018-2019. Who will leave their mark on the campus forever? Who will drop out because "Bill Gates dropped out and he's doing fine"? Read on to see how our experts have broken down this year's recruiting class:
10. Billy Powell: This kid is legit. He’s read every tip for incoming freshman on the Georgia Tech reddit and he’s already changed his Instagram to @GTBillyP despite only being on campus once in his life. He’s really looking forward to rocking a RAT cap deep into the 2019 Spring Semester.
9. Sarah Hawley: An incoming BME major who’s got a 4.0, was captain of her softball team, founded her school's Bird Watcher Society, and was elected student body president. According to housing, they're strongly considering giving her an RA position as a freshman. Like we get it, chill the hell out.
8. Bud Peterson Jr.: 2.7 GPA, 26 on the ACT. I bet his extracurriculars were amazing.
7. Derrick Milton: Five star running back recruit with a phenomenal 40 yard dash time. Excellent at finding holes in the defensive line and has explosive open-field acceleration. Oh wait, nope, he’s going to UGA. Whoops.
6. Anush Chowdary: This little shit’s like 12 years old and he thinks he’s better than us. Yeah, maybe he got a better grade in his Multivariable class than I did in mine, but which one of us still wets the bed on a daily basis? It’s not me is it, Anush? Okay maybe a little but still.
5. Pogo stick kid: He probably has a name but our experts are predicting that name will be forgotten by his peers within a week and he will be known throughout campus as "Pogo stick kid" for the entirety of his life as a student. Side note, he will be late to every class.
4. Chad Powers: Powers’ dad bought him some fresh back-to-school polos and chubbies, and he’s looking to take himself and his stellar 8.9 sec shotgun time right to the top of the rush prospects.
3. Voltar: This kid got into tech as an international student, but no one knows where he’s from. We’re pretty sure he’s from eastern Europe or something, and he just goes by Voltar which is weird. He looks like he could be anywhere from like 15 to 45 years old and he’s always wearing a trench coat with Voltar written on the back. Fun at parties.
2. Egg White: This guy’s parents were real assholes for giving him this name, but he’s a real trooper. Affable, smart, funny, he’s got it all and will make a huge addition to the Yellow Jacket family. When asked "What's the good word?", he always responds "To Hell With Georgia!", but he's doesn't answer too enthusiastically like a weirdo. Also he’s very organized, never gets anything scrambled (sorry buddy, I had to).
1. Jake Owens: Kid’s a whiz. Has the alphabet down, knows hella planets, and like all the important presidents, and also William Henry Harrison. Also, I once heard him count to 308. He’s gonna do big things and comes in as the top prospect for the 2018-19 freshman class at Georgia Tech.
Disclaimer: This is a work of satire. It does not reflect, nor is it officially associated with, the Georgia Institute of Technology. If we used your actual name by accident, rest assured we aren't actually referencing you. Stop being so self centered.