Mac's Beer & Wine welcomes new class of Tech alums whose startups are totally about to take off

As another round of hiring comes to a close, Mac’s Beer & Wine, one of Georgia Tech’s greatest institutions, looks forward to welcoming another class of would-be entrepreneurs whose start-ups are, like, literally about to take off.

Jerry Grandell, CEO of Catergy, spoke to The Crouton while stacking bottles of Smirnoff in the shape of a bigger bottle of Smirnoff: “My company has created a product that can harness energy from your cat when he/she randomly goes crazy in the middle of the night and decides to take a tour of your apartment and knock everything you own to the ground. Once people in Africa catch on and start using Catergy to power their villages, I’ll be trading Mac’s for McMansions.”

One of Jerry’s new coworkers, Ally Minwheiler, expressed similar optimism while she unloaded cases of Bud Light Lime: “I’ll be here for three months tops. Sure, everyone says that, but my app, Fedorable, is going to succeed. I guarantee there’s a demand for an app that lets you see what your significant other would like with a fedora without actually having them wear one.”

At press time, Mac’s employee Stephen Gardner, class of ‘95, emailed The Crouton to invite them to join another round of funding for his company Tamagotcha, whose primary product will take care of your Tamagotchi automatically.

Disclaimer: This is a work of satire. The Crouton does not represent, nor is it officially associated with, the Georgia Institute of Technology. If this hits too close to home, we’re not sorry.